Lately Oliver has been Mr. Stubborn. This is very strange to me because up to lately he was my sweet little Ollie-bear that would pretty much do whatever I needed him to do or eat whatever I gave him. Something happened to him after Everett was born. Amongst other things, now that Everett is getting bigger and wanting to do pretty much EVERYTHING Oliver is doing, Oliver is starting to display behaviors that I have no idea how to deal with. Consider this a Mother's cry for help...yes, I have been praying about it...I need some earthly help, too!
Problems I don't know how to deal with:
1. Food--I remember just a few short months ago Oliver was such a good eater--he would pretty much trust anything I made him. NOW, it could be his favorite food, and he will eye-ball it with suspicion, proclaim that he DOES NOT like it, and then after MUCH convincing will try the tiniest bite ( which he usually spits out, or worse). Even foods that he just ate a day or two ago and said he liked will suddenly be on his "do not eat" list today. Everett is quickly following suit. I am shocked at how a 1 1/2 year old catches onto this thing. I don't have to fear that they will starve, though--there is always butter toast or pancakes, the only things Oliver will eat...oh, and chicken nuggets and french fries. AUGH!!! OH, and he is always thirsty...I mean--ALWAYS. My mom has told me to get him checked out at the DR.--I'm probably going to do that soon. I just don't know how to mentally cope with the unrelenting negativism he has toward pretty much all food. I've tried bribery, force, time-outs, yelling (not my proudest moments, let me tell you)...and just plain old ignoring the situation. He pretty much always wins no matter what anyhow. I just don't know what to think or do at this point.
Problem numero dos:
BED WETTING. Closely related to problem one, because since this poor boy is always thirsty, he often goes to bed with alot in him...just waiting to come out the second he relaxes. I feel so sorry for him because he wakes up and is so sad--but I am sad, too, because I have to change the bedding, change his clothes, make sure everything and everyone is sterile again--and try to get him to fall asleep again. It is not easy! I am currently using the Huggies Pullups Overnights--I called the company and they said they hadn't had any complaints like mine, that I was using the best absorbency they offered, and then sent me a bunch of coupons. I am contentiously trying to make sure he doesn't have fluids after like 6pm, and that he always uses the potty right before bed...but this is still a problem many nights. Perhaps if I put a cloth diaper OVER his Overnight pull-up, THAT would be enough absorbency...tonight I am trying out putting some SUPER-PLUS maxi pads in his pull-up. Hopefully that works. All ideas are helpful.
PROBLEM 3:
grabbing...grabbing...grabbing...and being really wild. I am worried how this will effect Everett--and I feel like I have to use my "mean" voice way too much every day--it's a little growly and menacing and as stern as I can muster--but it makes me at least feel like I'm not yelling at him. I hate raising my voice...I just don't know how to get him to listen to me! I feel like I am pretty much the worst disciplinarian in the world sometimes...
Time-outs are relatively frequent lately--and I don't know how productive they are. Most of the time I am like, "am I the only one that has no idea how to be a parent???" I feel like a kid just winging it! Or like an underpaid baby-sitter...without enough guidance before the parents left on an extended vacation. This third topic of grabbing and being wild is a HUGE topic--could probably have many books written about it. Pretty much don't even know where to begin with it. This is especially difficult to deal with when I didn't SEE the grabbing occur, but I know in my heart it happened, and Everett is really upset. And wildness?...let just say injuries are a frequent event in our household. Sigh.
I have much to be grateful for with my boys, but I would really love to at least have a PLAN of action. I don't know where to even look for help. It is exhausting trying to look for help online...and the scriptures aren't too specific in the parenting category...
So, if you happen to have any ideas for any of this craziness--I am so grateful for it! AND if you happen to know a parenting expert--send them my way...or at least to my blog! Am I desperate sounding? Well, I think that pretty accurately describes how I feel about it! I LOVE my boys--and we have wonderful times that keep me going...they smother me with hugs and kisses every day of my life. They forgive me for my faults...and melt my heart with their sweet smiles and cute quirks...but for heaven's sakes--could I please figure out how to be a better mom for these two innocent boys???
4 comments:
Is he 3? I found that 3 was worse than 2. Soon after Alora turned 4 she was a bit rough too...and with an attitude. I have just tried more one on one time with her, playing, doing whatever. I've prayed a lot. I try to keep my cool. There have been many times I just have to have a heart to heart with her. Parenting is a lot harder than I ever thought it would be. As for the eating process...I have no clue. We go through that almost on a daily basis. She's always been a very picky eater, but little by little she has started eating more. Though sometimes she still claims that she doesn't like something when she ate it like a week ago. :) I keep thinking that one day it won't be like this anymore. I used to be a picky eater too and now I eat SOOO much more than I used to. It won't be like this forever. Alora won't even eat a vegetable, but she does like her fruit, most of it anyways. :) Good luck!
Steph you are a wonderful mom to those two little boys! Oliver is going through a very "strong willed" stage! the book 1-2-3 Magic helped me alot when I felt like I was always fighting with Addie. Also "Love and Logic" series has a ton of great books.
The method we've had to mostly take with the girls is that we can't make meal times a battle and Addie has amazingly grown out of her insaneley bird like picky eating. He probably will grow out of that...but until then maybe just try to stick to meal times and snack times and give him like a snack before bed. And dont' comment on a single thing he eats or doesn't eat...just remind him that this is the meal time and he won't get a snack for however many hours.
With the grabbing thing...we always tell them if they grab it then they don't get to play with it. And if they aren't being nice about toys than they lose their toys. So maybe if he grabs a toy you could choose one of his favorite toys to put away for the day or week or whatever. I don't know if that would work but we have had to put things in the attic. Love ya steph!
Having help raise my younger siblings. I might be able to help. I was always taught that you shouldn't give children to many choices because when they are that little they can't make up their minds. Also about the grabbing thing it sounds like Oliver is having maybe feelings of jealous if he is grabbing whatever Everett had first. Try to have one on one time and see how he feels about Everett. Then point out how much you love both of them. When I was growing up mom always set a side a day of the week for us and since there were 7 kids we each got our own day or night for a few hours of mom time. Maybe that is what he needs. Two is a hard age. I will pray for you that you find the books and guidance that you need.
Those situations are tough, try not to doubt your mothering abilities though! You are obviously a fantastic mommy and you love them enough to ask for help so that you can all live more peacefully. This is the hardest thing to do! I get a lot of info from Nanny Jo. I know it sounds silly, but sometimes it is just the little techniques she has that make something you are already attempting really work! She has a book you could probably get from the library. I dont know if she has a website or not. However, her show comes on the Style network, which is channel 44 here, I don't know if it is the same for you guys or not??? Hope that helps!?!? (you could probably google super nanny as well) Hang in there!
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